Well the truth is people I have grown weary of this whole answering questions thingy and I do believe that I will end this blog. However do not fret for I will probably start up a new one soon with another ridiculous mildly amusing gimmick that will keep people entertained for about two months before they start to lose interest.

So just check back every few days and eventually I should have created something new.

Chris asks "Who's up for some conformity!!??" Fantastic question Chris!!

Who IS up for some conformity? What is conformity? Am I a conformist? What are these confusing and weird feelings I get when watching the mens gymnastics at this years Commenwealth games? Hmmm.

Well if you asked me, which you did even if you didnt mean to, which you didnt you were merely trying to promote your blog. I would say that everyone is a conformist so consequently everyone is up for conformity. Examples are as follows: We all breath oxygen, none of us photosynthesis, We all have skin (minus some people in the burns wards of hospitals, still they probably have some skin, ya know, just...less...skin)um oh we all eat food and we all like guns and pancakes and Syphilis. Another consequence of being a conformist is publishing your own auto-biography. Which I think we've all done...just a little bit...

Jes and Matilda asked some questions about vaginas or as gay men apparently call them "Mucus Holes". Fucked if I can remember the question well actually I can kind of rememeber or I could go to my blog and look it up but I'm a very busy man. I just ate subway and it was pretty good and now I feel satisfied so to answer your question no.

...

...

...um I guess a good definition of a vagina is something that Daniel will never touch except Daniel doesnt touch alot of stuff so really you could say that pineapple is a type of vagina or a decent taste in music or clothes are vaginas. hmmm well I'm stumped.

So-Lou writes "Louis, why is Rob Schneider still alive?"

Interesting question. Rob Schneider is alive because he eats orphans. By eating orphans he devours their youth and absorbs it into his own body. For you see Rob Schneider is actually 300 years old. Ron Schneider was first invented by Saturday Night Live in an attempt to invade Communist Greenland and put an end once and for all to the seperatist Penguin movement. Unfortunately due to such a large number of casulties Operation Schneider was abandoned and he was set free across the world burning down villages with his fire breath and devouring steamed cabbage after steamed cabbage. In 1999 Schneider was involved in a freak accident involving two rolls of electrical tape, a hair straightener and a bottle of tequila the result... Deuce Biggalow. One day while crossing the road The Animal was made. After Schneider attempted suicide in 2002 he accidently made The Hot Chick this resulted in anarchy as people around the world and to a lesser degree Paraguay cracked their heads open and began to eat their own brains often with zesty a bbq sauce.

Consequently the end.

Wade of Wadeland writes "Why is it that alcohol makes us invincible?"

Interesting question Wade. Alcohol was first invented by the Ancient Antarticans as a cheap fertilizer. Unfortunately for the Antarticans they lived in a shitty shitty cold place where very few plants grew. This posed a problem as Antarticans were very proud of their non existant gardens. One summer however the solution to their problems would arise. Polar Bears! Unfortunately for the Antarticans Polar Bears had not yet been invented, plus there was the fact that they tended to reside in the Northern Hemisphere, aswell as the fact that Polar Bears didnt make any sense as a possible solution to the problem of saving the Antarticans non existant alcohol fertilised ice gardens. The Antarticans became so angry that they gathered up all their alcohol and sent it to Ireland. The rest is history.

Infact there is more truth to this statement then you'd think. You see alcohol makes you feel invincible. If not for alcohol much of history would never of happened. Here are some examples

Example 1

Hitler:(Intoxicated) Yo Goebbles!
Goebbles:(Also intoxicated) Whats up man!?
Hitler: Shit man it feels like I havent talked to you in like...ya know like a million years
Goebbles: More like a million beers!!
Both: hahahahahaha
Goebble: Man this is a killer party
Hitler:Yeah! hm yeah I uh I know
Goebbles: Hey you still chasing that chick over there
Hitler: Yeah man I've totally been putting the moves on her
Goebbles: Really dude because I just saw her go off with that Jewish guy
Hitler: ....SON OF A BITCH!
Example 2

Lenin: (Intoxicated) But ya know what I mean right?
Trotsky: (Intoxicated) Yeah totally
Lenin: I mean I'm just so sick of the man always trying to bring me down
Trotsky: Yeah (throws peanut up in the air and catches it in his mouth)
Lenin: I mean that Kerensky mother fucker doesnt know how to... uh... *Burp* *Snif* run a country
Trotsky: Better then the tzar
Lenin: Yeah I know that but... fuck we could do a better job!
*Rage Agaisnt the Machine song comes on stereo*
Lenin: Fuck I love this song! Lets go smash some shit!

Example 3

Terrorist 1:(Intoxicated) You know I reckon I could fly a plane
Terrorist 2: No you couldnt! Prove it!
Terrorist 1: You double dare me!?

These examples prove that Alcohol makes us feel invincible and what the hell I'm pretty drunk now so I feel pretty invinci...um invalu...inpro...good! So you know what I need another beer and a burrito.

UknowUlikeit (Michelle) writes: "Louis, why is Daniel such a hot piece of ass?"

Interesting question Michelle. By the way it was way too obvious it was you who wrote that question, nice alias. Anyways to answer the question Daniel is a hot piece of ass for many reason, but the primary reason for his dreamy goodness is the camo. Lets face it the ladies go nuts for the Camo. When camo comes to town the clothes come off.

For you see Daniel is a genius but not a regular genius he is a super genius that eats plutonium and gives birth to a litter of puppies every thirty minutes, but not regular puppies flesh eating puppies that shoot lazers out of their eyes.

There is a story behind Daniel's Camo and it goes a little something like this. One day Daniel was ordered by his parents to sell their cow down at the local markets as his family was wretchedly poor. Daniel set out on his journey but along the way he ran into a mysterious stranger. "Hello there young man" said the stranger "I was just noticing how lovely your cow was and I was wondering if you would be willing to trade for it?" Daniel thought for a long time, then ate some sour skittles and played some World of Warcraft then thought a little while longer...all while touching himself. Eventually Daniel replied. "It's a deal!" and they traded possessions.

Daniel however had made the mistake of not actually inquiring what he would actually recieve in the trade. He had hoped for a hot chick but instead he recieved a pair of cargo pants "Oh tale of woe!" cried Daniel "I can't score with any chicks with such uncool pants!"  Daniel wept and upon crying this hard something quite magical happened. As soon as Daniel's precious tear drops came in contact with the pants they began to change colour. Strange couloured sploges began to appear in different shades of green and brown. Daniel was amazed, he dried his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. "Now all the ladies will be mine!" and with that Daniel got all the ladies in the world. Every single one. Including any girl that is reading this and even a few of the guys.

For you see gentle readers it isnt Daniel that is the hot piece of ass. It's the camo he wears. It's magical camo that gets him some hot lady action and we are all dreadfully jealous of him. Infact even Daniel is a little jealous of himself. So there you have it Daniel is a silly boy!

I write "Dear Louis why should people never eat dogs?"

Daniel Lange of Belair writes "Louis tell me why I cant get to sleep even though i beat off 5 times a day"

Hmm interesting question Daniel. I wouldnt think you'd need to beat off 5 times a day considering all that head my girlfriend gives you! (hehehe just kidding Michelle...please dont kick my ass)

Well let me put on my lab coat and lets see if we can solve this dilly of a pickle. Now as we all know Daniel touches himself more then the average man consequently he's body has to work overtime producing more semen. Now to do this Daniel would need more energy. Daniel has touched himself so much that he has evolved and his body has become more efficient at producing energy. Consequently Daniel has excess energy which makes it hard for him to sleep despite touching himself in his special place alot which of course dispells energy.


My solution touch yourself more and you may do it just enough to get to sleep, perhaps 8 times a day is the ticket. Or the harder solution stop touching yourself and you may de-evolve back to a healthy human being you once were, without excess energy or blood blisters on your penis.

Better yet, get a girlfriend...or boyfriend...bucket of gravy perhaps?

Dave asks:"Does love REALLY make the world go 'roud?"

Hmmm interesting question Dave. Before I answer this question we must first find out more about 'Love'. Love is a confusing emotion that makes people's brains turn to liquid and initiates them into a strange sequence of events that involve their loved one's. If someone is infact in love then they will find it neccesary to buy for their 'sweety' box after box of chocolates in an attempt to fatten them up. This may seem strange to those who have not experinced love but if you are familiar with the term "more of me to love" then one can understand that with a fatter soul mate your love is increased dramatically. Consequently there is little love for super models and starving children in Africa while on the other hand everybody loves Santa Claus and Marlon Brando. Another common love action is to buy one's 'lover' flowers this may seem confusing to those of us who are unloved but this infact does serve a purpose. What is this purpose? To confuse. Yes thats right to confuse your love partner with a bunch of flowers. One's love partner will wonder why you bought them flowers when you could of actually bought something of use. This confusion will lead to anger, then depression, then lonliness then back to love. It's that simple!


Another consequence of love is to write awful poetry. This is a way to stop your lover from running away. If you feel like your loved one is beginning to slip away just make up an excruciating piece of poetic garbage and they'll have second thoughts

Oh my lover
you remind me of a shoe
because you have a tounge and a soul
and I would like to lick your soul with my tounge
as only lovers can do
then I'd like to lick a sausage roll

After hearing how awful your poetry is they will stay with you forever because they become aware that if your love poetry is that bad just imagine your heartbreak poetry!

Now onto the history of Love. Love was first invented in1685 by a Frenchman named Pierre Yoplait. One day after finishing his breakfast of Croissants, froglegs and champagne at his house in the Eiffel Tower, Pierre decided he would shave his poodle. So he put on his Shaving berret  and got to work. After a few minutes of shaving Pierre got tired as he had been fighting in a war yesterday and surrendering to Germans was hard work. He decided to put on his black and white striped shirt and go down to his local restaurant for some tasty escargo. He locked the Eiffel Tower and began to walk down the street. As he walked he couldn't help but notice a beautiful woman walking past him. "Sacre Bleu!" he exclaimed "Zis womon iz ze moast beutifughl womon I ave evr sein!" He stopped her chatted to her and whisked her away to the restaurant with him. There they sat and ate and talked and laughed the night away. Soon it was late and Pierre realised something. He actually had no desire to be with this woman. What was motivating him? Apart from the hot sex action. Pierre kicked her out of his bed and went to sleep. He awoke troubled. He was bored and he didnt actually do much with his life except eat croissants, shave poodles and hate Americans. He needed somthing to fill in time. That woman he was with all of yesterday filled in time, but eventually he got bored of her. If only there was some way he could not get bored of women. Some kind of emotion that would make people attached to other people emotionally. He had no choice but to make this emotion. He would name this emotion Love for some particular reason.

But how to go about it? He started by getting all the things he liked alot and putting them in a big bowl and mashing them up. This included Cheese, Wine, Croissants, Escargo, Accordians, Mimes, Jerry Lewis, Poodles, Berrets and various other French sterotypes. He then poured radioactive waste over all the moosh and the result was...LOVE! and the byproduct was a hydrogen bomb. Which consequently went off and blew love all over the place, Suddenly all over the world people fell in love. Sometimes with other people but more often with basketballs and bowls of pasta. Consequntly the burns ward was flooded with patients with third degree burns to their genitals after a very hot Carbonara love making session or fellatio with a Bolognaise. Love was quite literally in the air.

Oh yeah, and no love does not make the world go round. I think thats gravity or something...

Help! of somewhere writes: "Louis, why do girls understand guys but guys can't undersyand girls???"

Good question Help! Bad spelling though...unless 'undersyand' is some hip new slang word. Unfortunately for you being a man means that I am unable to answer this question for if I could it would be a contridiction of the very question you asking me to answer. You see if I could answer this question it would mean that I understand women. Which I dont. So this question is actually unanswerable.

On the otherhand I could always take a guess. I myself am not actually convinced women do fully understand men. There have been many a time when I have heard a girl curse 'men' and ask why they suck so much. Still I dare say women understand guys more then we understand them. Still I find that there is something that a women will never be fully able to comprehend about us fellas and that is that we are simple. Us Men are simple folk who want to lead rich furfilled lives full of beer, skittles, sport and of course naked ladies oh and Maccas especially after beer.We like to drive fast, scratch ourselves (Fast) and indulge in sexist jokes... especially Dubs. Women need to understand that while they are complex we are simple, dont think for a second that there's alot going on upstairs. Women on the otherhand are complex and men being the simple creatures they are dont understand complexity. Well that's my theory and I think this cartoon sums up my argument nicely.


Cause it's ladies night and the feelings right, oh yes its ladies night
oh-what-a-night!